Many people, particularly of Eastern cultures (Far, South, and Middle), are taught to be agreeable and respectful of everyone they meet. It is considered rude to openly disagree with people or to even say ‘No’ to any request. This “culture of YES”, however, takes a toll. We can’t say yes to everyone or everything, without it costing something.

The Cost of Saying Yes

Being seen as the one who always says yes can seem like a positive trait. But while It might feel rewarding initially, the constant availability may start to negatively impact your life as well as your health. Your calendar gets very full very quickly and you literally run out of time to complete projects. Some things may not get the attention they deserve. People may notice how scattered we are. Things may start to fall off the radar.

In my client’s and in my own experience, the person that falls off the radar first is OURSELVES. We don’t have enough time, energy, or focus to really give to anyone. Everyone suffers when we are running on empty.

Learn how to say No, Without Guilt

When I introduce the concept of saying ‘no’, many of my clients feel uncomfortable. It feels like they’re rejecting someone. I remind them that NO doesn’t have to mean rejection. It may just indicate you are at capacity. In fact, saying YES when you’re spread too thin can actually be worse than saying NO!

Here are three scripts to try out:

• “I appreciate the opportunity, but my plate is already full right now.”

• “If I had the capacity to take this on, I would.” (maybe…)

• “I value your trust in me, but let’s find someone who can give this the attention it needs.”

Try practicing these introductions to ‘no’ in low-stakes settings, with friends and family who know you aren’t rejecting them. Then slowly, as you get more comfortable, try them at work or with colleagues.

Embrace these tools and regain control over your time.

Ready to make a change? Share this message with those who might benefit.