So we are 5 months into this global pandemic. And I’ve probably worn at least 6 types of PPE of varying quality, at least 3 types of goggles, face shields, and forget about the number of masks of varying efficiency.
I have many thoughts on this phenomenon, but let me first take you through my fashion show. Here is a smattering of what I’ve worn over the last 5 months, with my very biased rating system:
The paper gown. This absolutely useless contraption literally had the consistency of tissue paper. Which meant that it would 100% tear as you were trying to put it on. Which meant you had to use at least 3 of them to finally get one on that wouldn’t rip. It felt so porous I could feel the Covid just permeating the suit just walking down the hall. 0/10 durability, 0/10 utility, 2/10 appearance.
The yellow vinyl smock. It was very heavy and not very mobile. The cloth ties also made it impossible to rip the gown off of you, as you really want to when you’re done swabbing a snotty family of 4. You had to untie it, which means you had to touch your neck and hair with Covid hands. Also, why mustard yellow? 8/10 for durability, 2/10 for utility, 4/10 appearance.
The blue plastic smock. Definitely the lightest, easiest one to put on…but also the one that offered the least protection. This one definitely made you tiptoe gingerly and be hypervigilant about what you touched, how much you touched, and how to minimize contact with anyone/anything. 2/10 durability, 2/10 utility, 6/10 appearance, I mean I did like the blue.
The whole body marshmallow look. As ridiculous as this looked, it’s actually the suit I felt the most protected in. Because it literally covered you from the tip of your head to the bottom of your feet. Maybe a smidge big, but I definitely felt safe in there. Also the very plasticy texture announced to everyone in the office that Covid Care was walking down the hall. 8/10 durability, 8/10 utility, 3/10 appearance.
This ridiculous fashion show that I unwillingly had to endure is courtesy of the lack of organization or coordination for us healthcare providers. As we went, regardless of how materially prepared we were, into the maelstrom of disease and death, others with the ability to provide supplies didn’t. We are the soldiers in this battle but the true leaders, as so often in war, are nowhere near the battlefield. The generals in this war are disaffected, politicized ,and protected by their positions of power and politics. They hold the pursestrings and direct where the funds go or don’t go, while we, the actual clinicians trying to serve and save lives, are completely left to their whims, we are at their mercy.
Yes, we took an oath to serve everyone else, even at our own detriment. What we never signed up for is to have to scrounge, beg, and pray for the proper equipment to carry out our oath. Facing potential infection and battling daily uncertainty is stressful enough, without the burden of not trusting what you are wearing to face such battle.
Respectfully, we deserve so much better. It shouldn’t be a game of ‘What’s Behind Door #1’ every time I open our makeshift PPE closet to see what type of contraption I have to don and doff, with completely variable confidence. Fashion aside, I need a gown that will keep me safe. I need goggles that I don’t have to reuse for 3 weeks in a row. And I need them all the time, reliably.
And now, seeing as how no reinforcements are coming from anywhere else and we slowly march into month 6 of Covid, I need you to help us help everyone else. Do your own material part, wear a mask. Lobby for more comprehensive public policy solutions that protect not just your personal freedoms, but also include respect for those of us who put ourselves in harms way, regardless the thickness or efficacy of the equipment we have. I will die for you, that is part of what those 2 little letters MD means, but I could never imagine it would be like this. From lack of equipment, not from disease. Thanks for reading.