Life Inside The Box
If you’ve read any of these newsletters, you know that I started my life pretty much nicely settled in all the right boxes. Quiet polite Chinese girl. Did well in school. Did all the extra-curriculars-music, dance, church, volunteering. Got into a specialized STEM high school in NYC, then Ivy League for college, and made it to med school on the first try.
Unsurprisingly, this isn’t an unique story. I am reminded of one of my favorite clients, the Orthopedic Surgeon who didn’t want to do Surgery. They were a hip hop fan with a penchant and passion for music and performance. We obviously clicked right away.
People really like boxes. And for you to stay in them.
For many people, life continues in the box and they thrive. I watched my med school and college friends go on to marry their sweethearts, climb the ladders of their careers, and settle down. I heard so many aunties and attendings ask me when I was going to move into the next box, the box of getting engaged or married or, the mother of all boxes, have a kid. I had colleagues quizzingly ask me, “What do you mean you’re an actor and a coach and a doctor?”
Part of what makes breaking out of the box so challenging is that everyone expects you to stay in one. No one can fathom why you would ever dream of going anywhere outside of the prescribed boxes of life. It is not advertised as a smart or practical choice for life.
But for a rogue few of us, the box starts to feel small. The lack of fluidity and freedom become suffocating. I was trying to sneak into auditions in the city while in med school in Syracuse. My client was contemplating leaving medicine altogether.
Busting out of the Box
What often follows next is a painful reckoning. For some of us, the consequence of busting out of the boxes is simply too overwhelming. The damage to their own reputation and their family name is simply not worth the risk of happiness and peace. For me, it took 5 years of training in misery and a dark night of the soul at the Throgs Neck Bridge in NYC for me to realize the truth of my life. I had to bust out of the box or die. No matter what anyone said or thought.
Life Outside of the Box is terrifying…and thrilling
Once I made the decision to perform and practice, I started booking acting jobs. I have acted professionally In LA, in NY, on TV and onstage, for the entirety of my medical career. I have LOVED every minute of it. I never became the next Lucy Liu. But I’ve originated so many cool roles (see some posts of me as a TOILET QUEEN on my Instagram darling!) and have had the time of my life. I don’t dread my life so much as dive headfirst into whatever new adventure awaits.
My client eventually left clinical medicine and is now rocking it at a stand up comedian and even created his own comedy show, @brownsheepcomedy, that’s been kicking it around NYC.
We spoke recently about the pressure and shame and guilt that people often bring when judging a life lived outside the box.
All I can say is, while the box is safe and secure, life outside the box is anything but. And that’s the joy of it.
If you’re looking for a way to explore breaking out of your box, hit me up. I’ve got you. And the view is sublime from out here.